March 31, 2008
It feels just like a blunt spear piercing through me, slowly and painfully. This stone hearted creature, never ever sparing even a fraction of a second thinking about others.
And as it continues, I bleed, and the bleeding seemed to flow with ease, and my heart tightened so much. So much that I fear that the bleeding wouldn't stop, but the pumping would.
And when it did, all I'm left with is a huge scar, one that reminds me of what happened. One that hurts so much I'd cry even after the tormenting physical pain was long over.
Why, oh why?
-nIx- @ [[10:04 PM]]
It feels just like a blunt spear piercing through me, slowly and painfully. This stone hearted creature, never ever sparing even a fraction of a second thinking about others.
And as it continues, I bleed, and the bleeding seemed to flow with ease, and my heart tightened so much. So much that I fear that the bleeding wouldn't stop, but the pumping would.
And when it did, all I'm left with is a huge scar, one that reminds me of what happened. One that hurts so much I'd cry even after the tormenting physical pain was long over.
Why, oh why?
-nIx- @ [[10:04 PM]]
March 27, 2008
This song here has been ringing in my head for the past day or so, the chorus only though.
And I thought this clip to be quite weird but after reading the comments, meaningful.
It shows a person who tried to commit suicide after he gets hurt (see how the violin's treated), then someone holds him back and tries to fix him(again, see violin).
Makes you think twice about how you treat others.
-nIx- @ [[11:42 PM]]
This song here has been ringing in my head for the past day or so, the chorus only though.
And I thought this clip to be quite weird but after reading the comments, meaningful.
It shows a person who tried to commit suicide after he gets hurt (see how the violin's treated), then someone holds him back and tries to fix him(again, see violin).
Makes you think twice about how you treat others.
-nIx- @ [[11:42 PM]]
March 26, 2008
Not a smart move to try and blog while having a face mask on and drowning yourself in saline solution because the saline acutally lost its vacuum seal and half the saline spilled out. Urrgh.
And it's now 11pm and I've still not posted this. Mum's scolding me for buying all those makeup stuff. =/
-nIx- @ [[9:30 PM]]
Not a smart move to try and blog while having a face mask on and drowning yourself in saline solution because the saline acutally lost its vacuum seal and half the saline spilled out. Urrgh.
And it's now 11pm and I've still not posted this. Mum's scolding me for buying all those makeup stuff. =/
-nIx- @ [[9:30 PM]]
; at peace
because you are the reason for it all
but things like this don't last long.I miss youbecause you are the reason for it all
I can't wait for my piercing to heal. I'm so meticulous in my cleaning and hygiene. I'm so dead serious to make sure this works out well.I really wish that I'd be able to see you soon
Off to sleep. Sleep early so my complexion will improve!
-nIx- @ [[1:30 AM]]
March 23, 2008
I've got myself a cute little chair that comes with a footrest! $199. It's arriving on April Fools' Day. And I can imagine this...
"Hello, we are calling from (insert shop's name here) we will be delivering at 11am to 2pm"
-me waits the whole day without anyone showing up-
or
"Hello, we are calling from (insert shop's name here) we will be late because we just got into an accident"
me "ya right, don't bullshit and give me my chair now!"
Haha. Wild imaginations.
-nIx- @ [[11:22 PM]]
I've got myself a cute little chair that comes with a footrest! $199. It's arriving on April Fools' Day. And I can imagine this...
"Hello, we are calling from (insert shop's name here) we will be delivering at 11am to 2pm"
-me waits the whole day without anyone showing up-
or
"Hello, we are calling from (insert shop's name here) we will be late because we just got into an accident"
me "ya right, don't bullshit and give me my chair now!"
Haha. Wild imaginations.
-nIx- @ [[11:22 PM]]
Okay, okay.
I admit I don't have such a nice flat stomach. Edited by licododo whose umbrella made me laugh like crazy because it's so small and while I was laughing like a mad womam this ang moh turned around and said "can't get any wetter" or someting along that line and smiled at us. He was walking in the rain without an umbrella. Madness.
-nIx- @ [[12:30 AM]]
March 18, 2008
It's weird how I seem fine with others around me,
yet late at night, when it's me, myself and I
the void just starts filling up,
the emptiness just starts crashing in on me.
And I wonder where I went wrong.
-nIx- @ [[1:28 AM]]
It's weird how I seem fine with others around me,
yet late at night, when it's me, myself and I
the void just starts filling up,
the emptiness just starts crashing in on me.
And I wonder where I went wrong.
-nIx- @ [[1:28 AM]]
March 14, 2008
Sometimes certain situations happen
they just drive me into a corner,
it makes me do stupid things,
silly things, foolish things.
Things I thought could cheer me up,
things I thought of as an escape path,
even if just for a moment.
But no,
sometimes things just backfires,
sometimes it doesn't follow as planned.
Sometimes they hit back twice as hard.
I have to stop,
it has to stop someday, one day.
I want it to stop.
I just don't know how to start the stop.
I already knew what was up ahead
but why did I still step in the mess?
-nIx- @ [[10:48 PM]]
Sometimes certain situations happen
they just drive me into a corner,
it makes me do stupid things,
silly things, foolish things.
Things I thought could cheer me up,
things I thought of as an escape path,
even if just for a moment.
But no,
sometimes things just backfires,
sometimes it doesn't follow as planned.
Sometimes they hit back twice as hard.
I have to stop,
it has to stop someday, one day.
I want it to stop.
I just don't know how to start the stop.
I already knew what was up ahead
but why did I still step in the mess?
-nIx- @ [[10:48 PM]]
I'm so drained from the 4hours of driving classes today, under the hot sun, no water, no food.
But on the other hand, I strongly believe that God will help me through the fasting period and bless me.
So I hope whether or not I manage to book another practical class this weekend, that God will bless me with all the luck I need in the world. Low traffic roads, a (one only, not two, please) cheery ol' tester, good weather, working car, cooperative drivers on the road, good skills & memory, and a pass on Monday.
-nIx- @ [[6:12 PM]]
Tonight I laid on the deck chairs, still moist with the drizzle from the late afternoon and watch the stars flicker away. Despite the cluster of clouds covering a third of the sky, I've never seen so many stars here other than overseas.
My back was all wet, but it made no difference. I cried and I started at the stars for a long long time. All they ever did was stare back at me, as silent as the dark night, as silent as the gloominess and loneliness I felt then, right there.
-nIx- @ [[1:08 AM]]
March 12, 2008
false eyelashes are an addiction.
it's not about the pressure to look good
it just kills time
and make me feel a tad happier.
I have no idea why.
-nIx- @ [[11:16 PM]]
false eyelashes are an addiction.
it's not about the pressure to look good
it just kills time
and make me feel a tad happier.
I have no idea why.
-nIx- @ [[11:16 PM]]
Oh, please don't go, let me have you just one moment more. Oh, all I need ; all I want is just one moment more
-nIx- @ [[6:44 PM]]
No matter how much I know, or how much I think I know, a part of me just refuses to face that fact.That time and again I let you in knowing you wouldn't stay.
But all I ever wanted was that moment of happiness.
-nIx- @ [[1:37 AM]]
I love you more than you'll ever know, and part of me died when I let you go.
Finding a job is giving me a big headache.
-nIx- @ [[1:01 AM]]
March 11, 2008
; and i always was,
always was one for crying
i always was one for tears
-nIx- @ [[1:51 PM]]
; and i always was,
always was one for crying
i always was one for tears
-nIx- @ [[1:51 PM]]
March 10, 2008
I just can't seem to pick myself up after the fall.
I can't remember the me I was before.
I can't remember the last time I had a hearty cheer.
I don't know why I allowed myself to let my guard down.
I don't know how many times I've cried.
I don't know why I've always been deceiving myself that everything would turn out fine.
I seem to be going round and round, over and over again.
It's all but a vicious circle
I really wish I was numbed
that I am able to forget
and yet,
I am afraid.
I am afraid to forget the good times,
I am afraid to let go,
I am afraid to move on,
I am afraid to be forgotten,
I am afraid to forget,
I am afraid to grow up,
I am afraid to face reality,
I am afraid to let it repeat,
I am afraid of the past,
I am afraid of the future.
I am afraid to step out of the comfort zone I've been in. No, not any longer. Things changed. The comfort zone that I've once been in no longer feels comfortable being in. But yet, I am still afraid to step out. I fear that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the pasture. I fear that there be more cruel reality outside.
Bitter.
It haunts.
I am afraid
I am afraid
truly afraid.
-nIx- @ [[2:53 PM]]
I just can't seem to pick myself up after the fall.
I can't remember the me I was before.
I can't remember the last time I had a hearty cheer.
I don't know why I allowed myself to let my guard down.
I don't know how many times I've cried.
I don't know why I've always been deceiving myself that everything would turn out fine.
I seem to be going round and round, over and over again.
It's all but a vicious circle
I really wish I was numbed
that I am able to forget
and yet,
I am afraid.
I am afraid to forget the good times,
I am afraid to let go,
I am afraid to move on,
I am afraid to be forgotten,
I am afraid to forget,
I am afraid to grow up,
I am afraid to face reality,
I am afraid to let it repeat,
I am afraid of the past,
I am afraid of the future.
I am afraid to step out of the comfort zone I've been in. No, not any longer. Things changed. The comfort zone that I've once been in no longer feels comfortable being in. But yet, I am still afraid to step out. I fear that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the pasture. I fear that there be more cruel reality outside.
Bitter.
It haunts.
I am afraid
I am afraid
truly afraid.
-nIx- @ [[2:53 PM]]
; she used to be the sweetest girl
So meaningful to me.
-nIx- @ [[3:45 AM]]
Nix walked from Cityhall to Clarke Quay and Chinatown. All in like 3hours of non-stop walking.
-nIx- @ [[1:10 AM]]
March 07, 2008
Those antagonising hours.
Dear God,
Why did you create emotions such as sadness, hatred and jealousy? Why so cruel? And why did you create happiness, joy and laughter?
Why did you create emotions? What about memory? Why do some people forget so easily and yet others don't? Why is it so that the more you try to forget, the stronger the thought comes back to haunt constantly. Why?
Why am I spending so much and yet not feel a tad happier? Why can't money buy me the happiness that I want?
Why do you create humans who hurts others? Why do you create hearts that could break? Why do you create tears?
Why?
Why can't I be happy with the life I'm having now? Why do I remember incidents I don't want to? Why does this happen to me?
Why me, God? Why?
Why can't I just wake up to find I've forgotten everything I wanted to forget overnight? Why leave me with the burden of being able to recall painful memories?
Why?
-nIx- @ [[10:40 PM]]
Those antagonising hours.
Dear God,
Why did you create emotions such as sadness, hatred and jealousy? Why so cruel? And why did you create happiness, joy and laughter?
Why did you create emotions? What about memory? Why do some people forget so easily and yet others don't? Why is it so that the more you try to forget, the stronger the thought comes back to haunt constantly. Why?
Why am I spending so much and yet not feel a tad happier? Why can't money buy me the happiness that I want?
Why do you create humans who hurts others? Why do you create hearts that could break? Why do you create tears?
Why?
Why can't I be happy with the life I'm having now? Why do I remember incidents I don't want to? Why does this happen to me?
Why me, God? Why?
Why can't I just wake up to find I've forgotten everything I wanted to forget overnight? Why leave me with the burden of being able to recall painful memories?
Why?
-nIx- @ [[10:40 PM]]
March 06, 2008
Sometimes I just walk around the house aimlessly and cry.
Why do I still miss you so?
It's the feeling of losing what's precious to you.
Why can't I get you out of my mind?
It hurts like mad.
Sometimes I still feel alone in a crowd
How did this happen?
Why do you keep doing this to me?
Why me?
It hurts so much to know
I just want to disappear.
That I never want you out of my life.
I want to be happy.
I don't want to miss you
I want to be really happy, really really happy.
I want you by my side, always and forever.
-nIx- @ [[3:45 PM]]
Sometimes I just walk around the house aimlessly and cry.
Why do I still miss you so?
It's the feeling of losing what's precious to you.
Why can't I get you out of my mind?
It hurts like mad.
Sometimes I still feel alone in a crowd
How did this happen?
Why do you keep doing this to me?
Why me?
It hurts so much to know
I just want to disappear.
That I never want you out of my life.
I want to be happy.
I don't want to miss you
I want to be really happy, really really happy.
I want you by my side, always and forever.
-nIx- @ [[3:45 PM]]
Portuguese egg tarts from Macau still rule my world!
-nIx- @ [[12:38 AM]]
March 05, 2008
I knew I was going to miss Macau. I already did the moment the plane lifted.
Anyway, I saw this red ferrari handphone I loved but didn't get to buy. It's even got camera and stuff. I love.
http://shoesrunning.ecvv.com/chinasuppliers-2/vi1619319/Ferrari-Mobile-Phone.html
http://cgi.ebay.com.sg/cute-car-shape-handphone-with-latest-functions_W0QQitemZ250213208867QQihZ015QQcatego
http://www.gophone.com.tw/report_hottest_content.jsp?sn=0708080006
http://www.slashphone.com/111/8054.html
Food wise is just superb. 10/10! I will never be able to find anything nicer in this sunny island. Food took up most of the space in my memory card. There's sooooooo much food that's hard/impossible to find here. You tiao zhu chang fen with some brown sauce, gao tao yu (bloody delicious deep fried fish that's crispy on the outside and melts in your mouth), almond biscuits which I never bothered to eat more than once but bought boxes home, portuguese egg tarts from the original store in macau (we bought 6dozen home, in case you don't know how yummy it is), huge servings of sharks fin soup (about 5bowls each for 5 persons), french fries made out of real potatos (unprocessed) which is deliciously yummy, street food, dessert.
The sharks fin meal cost us about $200sgd for a table of 6 and we had the cheapest meal costing just $2 for 3, the latter being street kind of food with lovely
What can I say? I absolutely LOVE about everything.
-nIx- @ [[12:53 AM]]
I knew I was going to miss Macau. I already did the moment the plane lifted.
Anyway, I saw this red ferrari handphone I loved but didn't get to buy. It's even got camera and stuff. I love.
http://shoesrunning.ecvv.com/chinasuppliers-2/vi1619319/Ferrari-Mobile-Phone.html
http://cgi.ebay.com.sg/cute-car-shape-handphone-with-latest-functions_W0QQitemZ250213208867QQihZ015QQcatego
http://www.gophone.com.tw/report_hottest_content.jsp?sn=0708080006
http://www.slashphone.com/111/8054.html
Food wise is just superb. 10/10! I will never be able to find anything nicer in this sunny island. Food took up most of the space in my memory card. There's sooooooo much food that's hard/impossible to find here. You tiao zhu chang fen with some brown sauce, gao tao yu (bloody delicious deep fried fish that's crispy on the outside and melts in your mouth), almond biscuits which I never bothered to eat more than once but bought boxes home, portuguese egg tarts from the original store in macau (we bought 6dozen home, in case you don't know how yummy it is), huge servings of sharks fin soup (about 5bowls each for 5 persons), french fries made out of real potatos (unprocessed) which is deliciously yummy, street food, dessert.
The sharks fin meal cost us about $200sgd for a table of 6 and we had the cheapest meal costing just $2 for 3, the latter being street kind of food with lovely
What can I say? I absolutely LOVE about everything.
-nIx- @ [[12:53 AM]]
